It cant be true
by crimsontears1993
Summary: For years Italy has suffered with depression at the fact of Holy Romes death. then one day Italy finds out that Germany doesn't remember his childhood, and that his first memory is of Prussia sitting at his bedside and him covered in bandages. How will he handle this now information? Could Germany really be his lost love he thought dead for years? Sorry suck at summerys...
1. Chapter 1

Ok so this is my first story…so please…Critique is asked for…But no flames please….. ^-^

Summery: He died long ago. Italy knows that, but it doesn't stop the pain and the empty feeling sense Holy Rome died Italy has fought with depression. Not that anyone knows about it, He hides it well after all. One day he finds out that Germany doesn't remember his childhood, and that his first memory is of Prussia sitting at his bedside and him covered in bandages.

* * *

...line brake...***...***...***...

I sat bolt up right in bed, tears streaming down my face. That dream again….. Well memory really. The memory of the last time I saw him, my beloved Holy Rome.

I guess I should tell you a little about what's going on, huh? Ok for starters, my name is Feliciano Varges, but I'm also known as Italy Veneziano…..or just Italy for short. I'm the personification of the northern half of Italy. Holy Rome is…..was…. my first love, he died…many years ago. 1806 to be exact. And these nightmares of mine are of the last time I saw him.

I got out of bed slowly, not wanted to wake Germany, and started walking to the bathroom. I had to feel my way there, because my tears blinded me and because the house was pitch black.

I felt myself trip and bump into the dresser. I froze in place as I heard Germany stir. I didn't dare so much as breath.

Finally he rolled over and laid still. I smiled slightly when I noticed he was cuddling my pillow to his chest.

Fresh tears ran down my face when I thought of how much he reminded me of Holy Rome. It was a curse and a blessing.

He looked so much like him, same ice blue eyes and blond hair. They even had the same personality, but I know they couldn't be the same person. France killed Holy Rome, squired him through with a sword.

When I finally made it to the bathroom I locked the door and slid down to the floor. There I sat for who knows how long with my face buried in my knees as I cried till my voice was gone and no more tears wold flow.

Slowly I stood back up, legs shaking, and walked over to the sink.

I looked at myself, eyes red and puffy, bags underneath them from lack of sleep, face damp from tears, hair messed up; even my curl was bent out of shape and sad looking.

O-well. I started to get ready, brushing my hair and teeth and washed my face.

Slightly better

Next I reached under the sink to the far back corner and pulled out a bottle of concealer and putting a good bit under my eyes to hid the bags there. As for the redness from crying, that had faded a bit already and would be gone soon enough.

Sighing to myself I headed down stairs to make some pasta for breakfast, after all I do need to keep up my happy-go-lucky air-headed pasta loving act for Germany.

I plastered on my fake smile and bounced down the stairs.

'Well time to start another day of lies and empty smiles'

* * *

...line brake...***...***...***...

yay for first chapter!

Just a quick peak into Italys mind for now….. now one ve~ …wow. Don't worry there will be plenty in the next chapter

So what do you think? Any good? and sorry its so short


	2. Chapter 2

ok so this is chapter 2, mostly just morning time and that's all...i just couldn't sleep so i wrote it out...I'm hoping to get the chapters longer...

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I had just finished the pasta when Germany walked downstairs looking as grumpy as always.

"ve~ buongiorno doitsu (good morning Germany)" I say in my o-so-happy fake voice.

"ja ja guten Morgen (yes yes, good morning)" he says in a bored and uninterested voice as flopped into a chair at the table

I walk over to the table and set a plait of pasta in front of him. All he does is groan in annoyance when he sees the food.

"Italy how many times have I told you….. I don't want to eat pasta for every single meal." He says while massaging between his eye.

I fake a pout as I look at him. "I-I thought you liked my cooking though, besides we haven't had pasta in about 3 day!" I say franticly, as if I can't believe we have survived without it for so long.

"I didn't say I didn't like your cooking, but that doesn't change the fact that pasta is not a breakfast food."

"I'm sorry doitsu…" I look down and fiddle with my apron as I prepare for him to lecture me some more.

He sighs in defeat and starts to eat the sauce-covered noodles on the plate. "ok, but no more pasta for breakfast, got it." With the last part he points the fork at me to emphasize the point.

"ve~ okay then" I say, bringing my hand up in a mock salute and laughing . I sit down across from him at the table and start to eat as well, making sure that it looks like a lot more than what I'm really eating.

When were done I take the plates into the sink and clean up because I don't want to get yelled at for making a mess…..again.

…***…***…***…***line brake…***…***…***…***

"Doistuuuuu! Come to the store with me!" I wined as I basically hang from his arm "we don't have anymore wine or any of those yucky potatoes you like."

He looked down at me like I was stupid, I wouldn't blame him for thinking that way, and sighed "get off of me Italy. You can go by yourself, it's only a 15 minute walk from here."

I frowned and stepped back "ve….but your country is so scary. Last time I went anywhere alone some big scary lady tried to make me do things with her." Well it was true. "and its hard for me to buy anything here. I cant understand anyone, they talk to fast." By this point I was giving him a full out puppy dog look and had tears in my eyes.

"fine. Ill go." He sighs and walks over to where Prussia's room is. "bruder were heading to the store, is there anything I should get while I'm there?"

I see a head of white hair appear out of the doorway. "Ja, the awesome me needs more beer and Gilbird here wouldn't mind more food as well."

I see Germany sigh and look at his older brother "I just got you a 24 pack of beer 2 days ago bruder."

"well the awesome me drake it all!" I could hear the smirk in his voice as he said that.

"Fine, ill get you more beer but this is the last time this month."

"aww, west you cant do that to me! I NEED my beer to survive!"

"Then you pay for it yourself." And with that he turned around and walked to the front door.

"Come on Italy, were going now"

I skip over to him and smile "ok doistu~"

Just before the door closed behind us I heard one last thing

"Hey west don't forget about Gilbird's food!"

…***…***…***…***…***…***…***…***

next im hoping to get to the actual story matter...but it might take awhile...also sorry for grammer stuff, im really tired now...night (or i guess morning)


	3. Chapter 3

Hey there people! Thank you for your support and for wanting to fallow my story!

I really appreciate it! also...sorry but i suck at writing long chapters...i promise to always get them over 500 words though...

…***…***…***…***

I skipped down the sidewalk and hummed a mindless tune as me and Germany walked back to his house. The bags I had were the lightest of all the once we got, seeing as Germany thinks of me as just some weak annoyance…. Well he was right in the end I guess.

' _Of course he is. You're just a useless waist of space.'_

'Shut up'

'_Why? Because its true?'_

'Just shut up.'

'That's all you are. An annoyance; Nobody cares about you. Hell, even your own brother hates you. He makes that very clear every-'

"Italy stop that incessant humming!" well that snapped me out of it.

I stop skipping and slow down to walk next to him "ve~ I'm sorry doitsu. It's just such a pretty day today! I can't help but want to sing and dance!"

He sighs and runs his fingers through his perfectly slicked back hair, some how not getting a strand out of place. "Let's just get back quickly. I have paper work to do."

That was nothing new. He always had work to do.

I turned to him to reply, only to get a soccer ball to the back of the head.

"eep!" that's all I could say as I fall over…..Right onto Germany.

My body collides into him, knocking him off balance as well.

I feel fear shoot through my veins as we plummet to the ground.

I shut my eyes tightly to block out the pain I know is coming and cling tightly to Germany's jacket.

Finally I open my, noticing that I'm ok. I look down and realize why.

Germany lay under me sprawled on the ground.

He groans and props himself up on one hand, rubbing his head with the other.

"What the hell happened?" he looks at me and for the first time realizes that I'm on top of him. He blushes deeply and looks away.

"I'm sorry doitsu, I got hit in the head with a soccer ball…" I say as I get off of him and back on my feet.

He gets up and dusts himself off. "Soccer ball? From were?"

Just as he says that 3 kids run up to us.

"Hey you there, Grumpy guy and wimpy Italian! Did you see our ball? I think it flew this way."

"Yea I saw it! It zoomed right over that fence!"

I can see the vein in Germany's forehead start to pulse. Were starting to get on his nerves…. Not a good thing.

I smile and pick up their ball "you mean this right?

"Yea! That's it!"

One of the kids ran up and grabbed the ball before they disappeared back the street.

"Germany? Are you ok? You seem mad"

"Ja, I'm fine. I just can't stand kids…. They're too loud and annoying! They don't respect authority, and they don't even realize when they mess up!"

I felt a pull on my heart when I realized that he must think of me the same way.

"W-well kids will be kids….. I mean…..Weren't you ever like that? Y-you had to have had some phase where you were like them.." My eyes were looking down and my voice was weak…. Afraid Germany would be upset for what I just said

Instead of the yelling I was expecting I heard Germany start to talk in a quite voice/

"W-well…. I actually don't remember anything from my childhood. My first memory is mein bruder by my bedside… I was covered in bandages…..I didn't even know my own name."

I looked up in shock.

He can't remember his childhood…just waking up and being injured… no name…. No anything?

My eyes widen as I think about it. Is it possible? But he died! There's no way!

"Germany…..Where were you when Prussia found you?"

"He said I was in the middle of a battle field…. But he refuses to tell me much more."

I don't know what happened next. All I know is that I was running…. And Germany was yelling my name.

…***…***…***…***

yay for new chapter! Sorry if it seems kinda rushed…..

next chapter Italy confronts Prussia! and more depressed Italy!


	4. Chapter 4

By the time I had stopped running I realized I was outside Germany's house.

I walk in and strait to the basement door. I have to know. I have to ask him.

Taking a deep breath I push the door open and walk down the stairs.

He was there, like always, sitting on his bed texting someone.

He looks at me and smiles "Ita! What brings you here to see the awes-"

"is it true?" I have to ask before I lose my nerve.

"Huh? Is what true? What's wrong?"

I look at him with pleading eyes "Is it true….that Germany has no memory of his childhood?"

I can see the shock in his eyes as he drops the phone he's holding and goes pale "I don't know what-"

"DON'T GIVE ME THAT SHIT! YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!" I can feel angry tears spill from my eyes and take deep breath to calm down.

"Germany said you found him one day, on a battle field. Where was it?

All he does is stare at me with his mouth agape and eyes wide in shock.

I take a step closer "Prussia! Answer me! Where the fuck did you find him!? Why was he on that field!?"

"Italy…. Why do you care anyway? It was along time ago. I mean, yea I found him on a battlefield, but why does that matter to you?"

"…Please Gilbert…please just tell me where." I sit on the edge of his bed, and look at him in the eyes. "Please. I need to know. I'm begging you."

He sighs and rubs the back of his head. "Fine, fine. If it really means so much to you… I found him in France way back….. In the early 1800's."

More tears overflow from my eyes and I collapsed onto his bed.

"Italy? Are you ok. What happened?" I swear that was the first time I have ever heard him say anything with so much care in his voice, but it didn't matter. I couldn't speak if I wanted to.

Suddenly I felt him pull me into a hug. "shh…. It's ok. Don't cry feli. I'm sorry for whatever I said, just please stop crying." All I could do was bury my head into his chest and cry harder.

It took about five minutes for me to calm down enough to talk.

He slowly pulled me away and looked at me. "Now, what's so important about how I found west that you would brake down like that?"

I sniffle slightly and bite my lip. "do….do you know anything about when I was little?"

"Only that you were raised by Austria and Hungary. Why?"

I close my eyes and slowly start to speak.

"When I was I kid I fell in love with a boy my age. He had ice blue eyes, and pail blond hair. He was so scary when we first met, but turned out to be the kindest person I knew. His name was The Holy Roman Empire. "

"One day he left to go to war. He promised to come back to me….but he never did. He died in 1806…..on a French battlefield."

When I opened my eyes Prussia was starring at me again….but I continued to speak "If what you say is true, then….then Germany's past fits Holy Rome's completely." I smile my first true smile in a long time. "he might be my Holy Rome. He could be the boy I fell in love with so long ago, the one I could never forget!"

Just as Prussia opened his mouth to talk the front door was slammed open

"Italy?! Where are you?!"

I jump of Prussia's bed and look up the stairs.

"Germany…"

I start to walk towards the exit, but turn around and look back at Prussia.

"ve~ this will be our little secret, si?" he nods in reply with a small smile on his lips.

I bounce up the stairs and walk into the living room.

"Ve~ Germany! Here I am!"

I smile and run towards him, giving him a hug and not letting go.

"Italy, why did you run off like that?"

I look up at him with a small pout on my face. "I'm sorry doitsu…. I thought I left the oven on again."

"well don't do it again. Ok?"

"Okie dokie! Im sorry~"

I let him go and smile again. "so what do you want for lunch today? I was thinking pasta."

…***…***…***…***…***…***…***…***…***…***

Woo! Longer chapter! Not by much but still…..

So personally I see Prussia being a good big brother and so when he has to he would be good at comforting people…. Also… Moody italy is moody

So…what did you think? Did you think it was boring or good. Too sad? Not sad enough? Was Prussia kinda ooc? Was Itay to moody? Please tell me!


	5. Chapter 5

Hey there. Sorry this took awhile...I've been busy lately. still really tired, but I figured I could wright a bit for you guys ~

***...***...***...***Line Break***...***...***...***

It's been a week now, and nothing seems to have changed. Germany's still as strict and stoic as ever, and I'm still acting like the happy moron people think I am.

I haven't been able to come up with a way to see if Germany is my Holy Rome either….. What am I going to do? It's not like I can go up to him and simply say "hey there Germany, You wouldn't happen to really be The Holy Roman Empire, would you?" He would think I'm crazy, well I guess he would be right….

I sigh in frustration and give up for the night. Maybe I can think of something tomorrow…. For now I should try to sleep. Maybe for once I won't have to silently cry myself to sleep….yea…maybe.

I walk into Germany's room and lay down next to him, I still have to let him think I'm a clingy, happy idiot after all.

I lay facing the wall and close my eyes. God how I wish the sweet emptiness of a dreamless sleep would take me….. but that's not going to happen, It never does.

In the silence of the night I can no longer stop my mind from wandering.

My mind starts to force me to relive all the pain of my past, one by one.

I feel my heart start to hurt as I think of how me and my fratello were split up when we were so little, and my eyes start to sting when I think of Grandpa Rome's death, of how after he was gone we had nobody to protect us anymore.

The fist tears roll down my face as I see flashes of him laying there, bloody and beaten. I can still picture it like it happened yesterday.

Tears cascade down my face as I see when I gave Holy Rome my broom and when I gave him my underwear.

I hiccup softly and start to feel my body shack as it's racked with sobs. It's time like this I'm glad Germany is a heavy sleeper.

My mind continues to wander, eventually forcing me to think of when I first found out Holy Rome had died in battle.

I curl into a tight ball and spill my heart out through the tears I can no longer keep in. I start to shake harder and sob louder.

I know I'm crying harder then normal, I just hope I won't wake up Germany. After all he would probably just yell at me for being a crybaby again….

"H-holy Rome…" I couldn't stop myself from whispering his name. I miss him so much, I wish I would just die so I could be with him again. Sadly because of the fact that I'm a country, I can never seem to stay dead…. I've tried before.

My Sobs and hiccups are even louder now. I can't believe I'm so weak, having a meltdown over this….. What would I do if Germany were to wake up? I couldn't stand the look of disgust me would give me for being so soft and weak.

All of a sudden I feel a pair of arms wrap around my waist and pull me close to them.

***...***...***...***Line Break again***...***...***...***

Germany's pov

I wake up to the sound of crying. At first I can't tell were or who it's coming from, that is until I hear a soft whisper in the middle of all the sobbing.

"H-holy Rome"

Italy? Why is he crying? And who is this Holy Rome?

I can feel the bed shake violently from how bad he's shaking now. I've seen him cry before, but never like this. I feel my heart break as his cries get loader and his shaking gets even worse.

I can't take it anymore and wrap my arms around him and pull him close to me. I feel him tense up and really start to worry, this is the guy that loves hugs?

"Italy? What's wrong? Did someone hurt you?" My voice is hardly above a whisper.

Instead of the normal babbling answer I would normally get he just cries harder then ever. Mien Gott, what's wrong with mein little Italy? What could make him so sad and hurt?

I kiss the top of his head softly and try again "shhh, Please calm down. Why are you crying Feli?"

I feel him stiffen slightly and look back at me in shock at the use of the nickname. He looks at me like he just saw a ghost, His eyes puffy and red from crying.

"Hol- I mean Germany? I-I'm so so sorry for waking you up! I swear I didn't mean to! P-please forgive me, I promise not to do it again! J-just don't be mad at me, please!" His voice is cracked from crying and, from the sound of it, fear. I look at him with hurt in my eyes. Am I really that bad and that scary to him?

"Italy, what do you mean? Why would I be mad at you for being upset?" He looks at me for a second , tear still running down his face

His voice is so quite that I have to strain to hear him, and I can't believe what I heard. "I-I thought you w-would get mad at me for being s-so weak…." So he does think I'm that cold…..If only he know….

I wipe the tears away with my thumb and sigh softly "Italy, crying doesn't make you weak. Especially when you are genuinely in pain, as you seem to be. So, tell me, what's wrong."

He shakes his head and buries it into my chest "N-no…..I-I don't want to t-talk a-about it"

I sigh again and stock his hair softly "ja, that's fine. You don't have to if you don't want to, But I will listen if you ever want to tell me, you do realize that, don't you?" I feel him nod slowly.

He's the only one besides of my bruder that will ever be able to bring out this side of me, and he doesn't even realize it. How can he cause me to be so soft and yet not see how much I'm in love with him?

Well we stayed like that for a while. He finally fell asleep after about an hour or so.

I smile as I feel his even breathing next to me and start to doze of myself, I'll ask someone why Italy would be so upset tomorrow, as well as who Holy Rome is…. But I can only think of one person who might know and I really don't want to talk to him….

***...***...***...***Line Break one last time***...***...***...***

so was this any better on the structure then before? Sorry that this one was kinda pointless feeling, but it has a big part…..


	6. Chapter 6

Sorry…. Just random filler chapter for now….. will be sad in remembrance of 9-11-2001

Nobody remembered it this year….. Nobody at school, and it wasn't even mentioned on t.v. Hell even the ask america accounts didn't all remember! So this is my wat to vent and remind you of those who died on that day…

… a little later than I would have liked to post it….but can't be helped….

Italics is Chibi Italy's point of view.

…***…***…***…Dream Begins***…***…***

I open my eyes and look around…. I see…me? Well I see me when I was very young at least.

…***…***…***…switch pov***…***…***

_I wakeup, Grandpa Rome smiling down at me. His eyes are shinning with love and happiness._

"_ve~, Hi there grandpa. What are you doing here?" my voice still heavy with sleep._

A wide smile lazily making it's way onto my chubby cheeks. I look around, seeing all my loved ones. Big Brother France is standing near Ms. Hungry and Mr. Austria Holy Rome standing next me with a warm smile. My Fretello is a little ways away from them, eating a tomato with Big Brother Spain.

"_Why, we came to see you of course Mon petit Italie!" Big Brother France says, a warm smile on his face._

_I couldn't help but smile back. Holy Rome offers a hand to help me up. He's smiling as well. I'm so glad everyone's so happy!_

…***…***…***…switch pov.***…***…***

I stare at the picture in front of me, tear rolling down my cheeks and a pained smile on my face. Sometimes it's the happy memories that hurt the most….

Holy Rome turns around after helping the little me up. The smile is still on his face. He looks over at me , his smile disappearing.

He looks me in the eyes and smiles again, but this time it's different. His eyes are dead and there is nothing but sadness and pity in that smile now.

He looks over at the younger me and back slowly. He says something to me. I can't hear him, but I don't need to.

He starts to turn around again, all traces of sadness gone.

As for me, tear run down my face. I can do nothing to hold them back…

…***…***…***…switch pov.***…***…***

_I look up and Grandpa Rome. He smiles at me and turns around, he starts to walk of into the distance. He disappears into the trees at the edge of the clearing._

_Why did his smile look so sad? Why is he walking away?_

_Fear starts to feel me. I have to find Grandpa Rome!_

_I chase after him. I can hear the others calling after me, but that doesn't matter, not right now at least. I'll come back after._

_I follow him into the woods. I can hear his footsteps ahead of me. _

_The tree's start to get thicker and it starts to get darker around me. I-I have to go on though! Grandpa Rome went this way and so will I!_

_I continue to run deeper in. But it's all black now! I-I can't see anything! Where am I? A-and what happened to Grandpa Rome's footsteps?_

_A-a light! I see a light ahead!_

_I run with new speed and shut my eyes tight, desperate to get out of this forest._

_I sigh in relief as I break away from those evil trees. I open my eye again._

_O-oh god…. What is this?! There's b-blood e-everywhere! And s-so many people, but t-there j-just laying there…w-what's going on?! Where's Grandpa Rome? I have to find him!_

…***…***…***switch pov.…***…***…***

I watch silently as the younger me wonders around the battlefield, fear on his young face.

He trips over pile of rubble, tears running down his face as he searches so desperately.

He stops in his tracks, having had spotted what he was searching for.

"Grandpa Rome?"

I can hear the pain in his voice as he bolts over to where my grandfather lies…. He's covered in blood. Cuts litter his body, His armor is missing as well. The worst thing is that he has a sword…..going through his heart.

When the little me reaches him, Grandpa Rome just looks at him with a sad smile, his blood trickling down the side of his mouth. I see him say one last thing to my younger self before he dies.

Poor little me…. he starts to yell and cry so loudly.

I feel tears falling down my face as well… I feel the pain in my heart grow larger.

Suddenly every thing changes. Time Flows faster and faster.

I see a quick glance of when I last saw Holy Rome flash by….. At least I don't have to watch that one.

Finally it stops. I don't know where I am this time. There's no little me here this time.

I walk forward a little. Great, It's another battlefield. Wonder what this war is.

As I continue walking I hear a voice

"So, this is where it all ends, non" France?

"Ja, so it would seem.." what? B-but that's-

P-please tell me t-this isn't-

I-I mean, it can't-

God no!

I run toward the voices as fast as possible. I pray that I'm wrong!

There they are….. I was right…

I can feel my heart break into thousands of shards.

France…. And Holy Rome…..

Holy Rome is kneeling down, and looks beaten to say the least.

He's bruised and battered. All of his clothes are ripped, and his hat is missing. His hair is plastered to his face with blood and sweat. His side has a huge gash in it, and his left leg looks broken as well.

France just looks at him, no trace of pity in his cold blue eyes.

"This is where you die. Do you have any last words?"

Holy Rome looks up at him. "I only wish I could have kept my promise to Italy."

I fall to the ground, tears falling freely again.

I-I can't watch this…Please d-don't make me watch it…

For the first time, France's eyes hold sorrow, but only for a quick second…then it's gone.

"Je suis désolé, but that is not possible."

He raises his sword and prepares to strike. I close my eyes.

O-oh god…P-please no….Please…. I-I don't want to s-see this…..

And then I hear it…..Holy Rome's heart-wrenching cry. O-oh Dio, h-he sounds like he's in so much pain…. Slowly his cry becomes gurgled as blood fills his mouth.

I hear France walk away.

The only sounds left are Holy Rome's ragged dying breath and my own sobbing.

"g-good b-bye….Ita….ly…I-I….m…." Holy Rome's voice fades off before he finish what he was saying, and his breathing comes to a halt.

…***…***…***Dream ends…***…***…***…***

My eyes shoot open and I bolt up in bed. Tears are pouring down my face as I cry uncontrollably.

Germany's gone, thank god.

I think back on my dream. They always say it, Those to dreaded words. Every time!

Every time something happens….every time somebody leaves me forever…always those words….

"I'm sorry…."

…***…***…***…***…***…***…

I would have added more…..but I'm getting tired and honestly...I'm really trying not to cry right now….

Well…tell me what you think.


	7. Chapter 7

Sorry if this kinda sucks…I tend to wright when I can't sleep and am to tired to draw…

…***…***…***Germany's Pov…***…***…***

I woke up around 6 in the morning. Italy was asleep next to me, like always.

But he seemed to be in pain. He was curled up into a tight ball, tears staining that beautiful face. He had a sheet of sweat covering his body and just kept begging for whatever was happening to stop.

I reached my hand out to shake him awake, but right before my hand was able to touch him he started to whimper and …..beg?

"F-France…. please…please don't do it…..I-I can't…"

I felt my blood start to boil. What was he dreaming about? Did France do something to him in the past? I'm going to kill him if he did!

I contemplated weather or not I should drive over there and beat the answers out of that French bastard, but just as I was about to get up Italy started to talk again…I couldn't stop myself from wondering what else he was going to say, so I sat still and listened.

"P-please….d-don't kill him…" kill? Who is he talking about?

"….No…..no…. I-I can't watch…Please…I-I don't…want to see this…." What is he dreaming about? Watch what?

"H-holy….Rome!….N-no….don't ….die…p-please….."

That name again? Who is this "Holy Rome"? What were they to Italy and what happened to them? I had to find out….. But I can only think of one person who would know, and he hates me!

I guess I have no other options though.

I sighed and walked to the living room and picked up the phone. Well here goes nothing

I dialed the number and waited. After a minute or two someone picked up.

"Who the hell is this? And Why the fuck are you calling me so fucking early?!"

"Romano I-"

"You fucking potato bastard! What the fuck is your problem!? No, wait. Better yet, What gives YOU of all people permission to call me at all, let alone at this time?! You know what? Fuck you. I'm going back to sleep! DON"T YOU DARE CALL BA-"

"Wait! Don't hang up!"

"And why the hell shouldn't I?!"

"Because it's about Italy." That seemed to get his attention.

The line was quite for a minute before Romano decided to speak again"…..What did he do? Did he get himself into some kind of trouble?"

"Nein…"

"Then what?!"

"Did…..Did Italy ever have…Lately he seems to be…depressed…..He cries himself to sleep every night and, I don't think he realized I noticed but, whenever nobody's looking he looks…. lost, or hopeless."

I could here him moving on the other end of the line. It sounded like he was getting up.

I heard him sigh before he answered "…Get over here. There is no fucking way I could explain what's going on over the phone…..and don't tell my fratello either, got it?"

What? Romano just invited me over? HE asked ME to come over? Well not so much asked as told, but still! Whatever's going on is either far worse then I thought, or Romano has completely lost his-

"HEY! POTATO BASTARD! DID YOU FUCKING HEAR ME OR WHAT?! I SAID TO GET YOUR DUMB POTATO EATING ASS OVER HERE!"

"Ja, I heard you. I'm on my way."

"Good" and with that he hung up.

I quickly got dressed and headed out to my car. Today was going to be a huge pain in the ass.

***…***…***…***…***…***

meh…kinda sucky…o well….tell me what you think. Reviews are well appreciated and always welcome.


	8. Chapter 8

ok...well my normal computer decided to freak out on me and all...so I'm going to be very slow till I get it fixed...also spelling is gonna be a lot worse...sorry...I'm dyslexic (why do they make that word so long and hard for the people who have it to spell!) also i seem to be slipping back into the numb emotionless feeling that I get whenever I forget to take the antidepressants I have and relying completely on music...sorry if the emotion just isn't there this time.

also slight warning. Mentions of past cutting.

...***...***...Germany's Pov.***...***...

I arrived at Romano's house after about 4 hours of driving. As I pulled into the driveway I could see him standing on the front porch impatiently. His arms were crossed and the ever-present frown was on his face...

Mein gott this day was going to suck.

I sigh and step out of my car, and as expected...he started to yell at me right away.

"What the fuck took you so long?! Did youre potato loving ass get lost or some shit? Dio! Why does that idiot fratelo of mine put up with your shit?!"

I just sigh...and walk up to him. "It normally takes at least 10 hours to get here... It's just lucky I don't live in Berlin anymore..." Italy made me move closer to the border of Austria when he started living with me...saying that he wanted to be able to "be able to visit fratello any time!"...and I can't say no to him...

He just glares at me and storms up to the house. He turns at glares at me again. "Well? What the fuck are you waiting for Bastard! I want to get this over as fast as possible!"

with that he storms inside.

I reluctantly follow.

He's sitting in the living room, still glaring at me. "Sit down bastard."

I do as I'm told...at least he's not yelling anymore.

"ok. let's get this over with. tell me what you want to know. As well as what's wrong with my idiot fretello." He rests his arms on the back of the couch he was sitting on.

"Right. Like I said on the phone, he cries himself to sleep every night, also, even though he acts as happy as always, well, he has a distant, sad look in his eyes. He seems to have nightmares every night lately, and he always whispers one name. So, what I want to know his who is Holy Rome and what does he have to do with Italy."

Romano looked at me for a second and then he started to...laugh? why was he laughing?

"Haha! God! I didn't know you were that much of an idiot! Are you fucking kidding me?! You really don't know anything about Italy do you?" What the hell is he talking about! This is why I didn't want to ask him!

"Fine, I'm an idiot. now, would you just tell me what's so damn funny!" I could hear the angry growl in my voice and could feel my fists start to clinch.

His laughing stopped as he looked at me. "have you ever wondered why I hate you so much?"

What? what does that have to do with anything? "Ja, I have, but what does that matter right now?"

"It has to do with everything...Look. I'm not a nice guy and I know that," Really? I thought he was a fucking saint! "but there is a reason why I hate you so much. It's because you look just like him."

"like who?"

"The guy that broke my fratello's heart! The one that caused him so much fucking pain! THAT'S WHO!" He stood up and stormed over to me. "YOU LOOK LIKE THAT BASTARD! YOU LOOK LIKE THE FUCKING HOLY ROMAN EMPIRE!" With that he grabbed me by the arm and pulled me down the hall. Who would have ever guessed this guy was so strong!

He stopped in front of a room at the back of the house. there were at least 5 locks on the door. whatever this room is, it's not something that people are allowed to see.

He took out some keys and went at undoing each lock one by one. when he was done he pushed open the door and glared at me with more hate then I had ever seen.

"Look in the fucking room and tell me what you think! Maybe then you'll see what I mean." his voice was deadly cold.

I walk past him into the room and turn on the lights.

W-What was this? who's room is this?

The room seemed to be split into two different parts, both filled with paintings.

One half was paintings were in what seemed like...blood. They were dark to say the least. Some showed people dieing and others seemed to be just abstract spatter and lines covering the canvas. One in particular stood out to me. It was what looked like a picture of italy...He was on his knees and seemed to be screaming at the sky. Bloody tears ran down his face and his hand were ripping at his hair... He looked like he was in so much pain...There was a dark aura around him. He was surrounded by the dead.

I looked away. I couldn't stand to see it anymore...

The other side was normal paintings, but they all held a feeling of loneliness and depression. They all looked happy at first glance too, but were all of a little maid girl and a boy in a black outfit and hat. on a closer look I saw that the little girl was in fact a young Italy, and they boy...looked just like me. He had the same color eyes, the same blond hair and the same pale skin. This must have been Holy Rome.

I knelt in front of one of the pictures. Italy and Holy Rome were sitting on a couch, both fast asleep. I brushed my hand over the picture.

"Romano, what is this room?"

"It's Italy's...He would lock himself in here for hours at a time when we lived together. I was never allowed to see in here. he said it was his private painting room...I tried to forced him to show me when he came out of here one day with his wrist bleeding... but he just run out of the house and didn't come back for a week."

This was...Italy's room? Why would he do this?

I looked back at romano. He was looking at the one of Italy screaming.

"After he moved out I found the keys to this room hidden in his bedroom."

He looked over at me. This time there was no hate in his eyes, only worry for his brother. " do you get it now? The reason why I hate you so much? You look like the guy that caused my fretallo so feel like this. he caused him to hurt himself, both mentally and physically. If it wasn't for Holy Rome...If not for him Italy would be happy. I thought he was starting to get better back around the first World War. Then you came along and he went back to...this" he motioned around the room.

"what did he do? What did Holy Rome do to hurt Italy so badly?"

"He was his first love. Only love really. One day he left. He promised Italy he would come back to him...but he never did. From what I know, he died in battle." My head started to hurt and pound.

So that's what Italy ment this morning...

I couldn't help but feel like I knew all this already. It all felt so familiar, but why? Italy must have been young when it happened, so there was no way I could know any of this! I don't remember any of my childhood, so why does it feel so familiar?

"where? where did he die?"

Romano looked back the blood painting before he spoke.

"he died on a french battlefield...back in the early 1800's"

My head started to pound worse. I groaned and put my hands on it. "Can you...call my bruder? I-I don't feel right. I don't... don't think I can drive...home myself..."

and with that...everything went black.

...***...***...end***...***...

well that's it for now. thank you lion king 2 soundtrack... once again. sorry for the mess ups. the program this laptop has doesn't has spelling check at all... used fanfictions but...well I probably missed some


	9. Chapter 9

ok guys...i kinda have really bad writers block...only planed up to the last chapter...so if you have any ideas that would be great...for now...have depressed (slightly insane) Italy while the others where away. much mood-swingyness~

WARNING: CUTTING AND PLAYING WITH BLOOD!

...***...***...***...Itlay's Pov***...***...***...

I woke up about noon all alone. Germany was gone.

hee...guess he decided to leave when he saw how fucked up I am... no surprise there. After all who would want to put up with some annoying prick that woke them up in the middle of the night with his blubbering?

I should have guessed this would happen... I mean, Why wouldn't it? It's not like he really cares about me! who would? Nobody, that's who!

I go down stairs. Prussia's gone to... Germany probably told him about how weak I am and how I'm just a waste of space...

I feel a twisted laugh bubble up from inside myself. I mean ,GOD it's just so FUNNY! I can't believe I tricked myself into thinking that they care! What a stupid FUCK I am! _I _wouldn't even want to deal with me!

I bend over and clutch my sides from laughing. I can feel tears running down my face, but I can't tell if it's from laughing so hard or from the pain in my chest.

I straiten up and walk into the kitchen and head straight for the knife drawer. there I stand, just glare down at it.

WHO THE FUCK DO THEY THINK THEY ARE! Leaving me like this! Do they think that there better than me or something?!

I bang my hand against the counter hard. cracking the tile.

Well fuck them! FUCK THEM ALL! I'll show them what I think of them! Who needs them!?

I close my eyes and take a deep breath. Who am I kidding? I'm the issue here...not them...

I look down at the cracked tile. Germany's not gonna like that...that's if he decides to come back, which I highly drought...

I open the drawer and search though it.

Ah! There it is.

I pull out a small razor blade from the very back. I had hidden it by wedging it between the side and bottom of the drawer.

It was so tiny that it was easy to overlook even when not hidden. It was from a pencil sharpener after all.

I smile as I hold my tiny treasure in my hand. It was a sad smile...but a smile none the less...

I walk to the bathroom, closing the door after me and sit on the edge of the tub.

I roll up my sleeves and stare down at all the faded scars...It's been a long time sense I last cut~

I press the small cold blade to my arm and breathe a sigh of relief. Dio, I've missed that feeling...the cold steel to my warm flesh...I don't care what people say...It's addicting!

I move the blade across my arm, cutting it like butter, and watch the crimson droplets flow from the cut. My mind slows down and all the pain seems to flow from the wound.

I feel a calm smile spread over my features as I run a hand over the cut, getting blood on my fingers, and just watching myself bleed. I lick my bloody fingers and laugh slightly. Almost as good as pasta.~

I bring the razor back to my arm and cut more lines into my flesh. And watching as the droplets roll down my arm and fall onto the clean white floor. Such a pretty sight. the clean white tile being stained by my red blood~ It just stood out so well.

I figure that the blood is going to get on my cloths if I keep this up and strip down to nothing, and lay the clothes in a neat pile that Germany would be proud of. I look at myself in the mirror. Look at all the scars covering my body. Words mixed with symbols. Unloved mixed with crossed out hearts, stars and Alone and much more...they cover from my chest to my upper thighs. each one holding a story to it.

I sigh and run my hands down one particularly large scar over my heart. This one was from the time I had almost killed myself. If not for being a country it would have worked too...

I pick up the blade again and start to crave away at my skin. Re-opening old scars and making new once. The old scars bleed more...they always do.

Finally I stop when my vision starts to blur out... I guess I took it to far again. I smile and start to draw with my blood. Pictures of anything really. Just whatever comes to mind at the time

I look back at myself. God, I'm a bloody mess now...and so it the bathroom...floor covered in smears and drops, walls with doodles all over them, the mirror has the words "Alone" "Hated" and "Useless" written on its smooth surface, even the tub has stuff drawn on it.

I know I should clean it up before it stains...but my head feels so fuzzy...Maybe just a short nap? yea...that sounds nice~

I slide down the wall and rest on the bloody floor. I feel my eye lids start to close and let the sweet blackness take over me...

I'll clean up...after I wake up...

...***...***...***...***...***...***...

OK...this was way to fun to right...and god did it feel good! sorry if this creeped any of you out~

I'm an ex-cutter myself and relapsed one time...kinda turned out like this...but a bit less extreme...the shower was covered in blood though.

Well on another note, please review and help me out with what should happen you all for reading this! and also I love those of you who reviewed soooo much~


	10. Chapter 10

Hey there~  
sorry about not updated this for a little while...internet messed up again...

well I have no idea how this chapter gonna go...soooooo yea... sorry if my Prussia sucks...

...***...***...***Prussia's Pov...***...***...

I can't beleave I'm doing this...

I never thought I would be picking up mein bruder after he passed out in ROMANO'S house.

From a bar? sure. Japan's house? maybe...heck I could understand it if he was ANYWHERE but at Romano's!

The awesome me was in shock when I got a call from Roma to get Luddie who was for SOME REASON passed out on the floor? What the fuck?!

Four hours later and here I am.

I pull up to the driveway and get out. My body is still all over! Gott-danm drive...

I stretch and walk up to the front door. As I knock I can hear Romano storm to the door and yank it open.

"What the fuck took you so long, fucking albino bastard?"

I look at him and smirk "Oh I don't know, the four-hour drive here maybe?"

He glares at me and starts to walk back into the house. "well come on bastard. I couldn't move his fat ass."

He leads me to the back of the house and into a room filled with paintings. Mein gott they were unawesome paintings too. And in the middle of the room was West.

I sigh and kneel next to him. "soooo...what happened to him?"

"I don't know dumb ass. The stupid bastard just passed out while looking at one of the paintings in here!"

I lift West up with one of his arms and look back at Romano "Yea, what the hells with all of this? Who would paint something this unawesome and horrible? also, the awesome me could use some help here"

Romano grumbles but comes over and grabs the other arm. "Veniciano painted them... now come on! This asshole is heavy!"

"Italy painted these?"

"yea...now shut the fuck up and walk!"

We walk him out of the house and dump him into the backseat of my car.

"Oh and one more thing bastard. DON'T tell my fretello that either of you where here! GOT IT!?"

"Ja, the awesome me's got it." I got into the front seat and started the car. Getting ready for the four hour drive back home.

...***...***...***Germany's Pov...***...***...

I woke up with a splitting head ache and no idea where I was. I could tell I was in a car and that was about it. Well except for the loud rock music that was being blasted at the moment.

I groan and sit up.

"Kesesese. Looks like sleeping beauty is finally awake." Prussia? What the hell is he doing here?

"What happened?" I rub my head and look at him.

"That's what I want to know. Why were you at Romano's house? and why did I have to pick you up?" oh that's right...Holy Rome...

"...I had to ask him what was wrong with Italy... He's been different lately." I couldn't tell him about the dream or what I found out.

"well...you were out for about 7 hours. We'll be back in about another hour or so."

the next hour was spent in complete silence except for the music.

...***...***...***line break...***...***...

I got out of the back seat and walked into the house. I had to find Italy and talk to him...First and foremost.

Suddenly the metallic scent of blood hits me hard, and I start to panic.

What happened? More importantly where's Italy at?!

I rush to where the smell is coming from and throw open the bathroom door.

I freeze and stare in shock at what I see.

The bathroom is covered in blood. Words and doodles covering every surface available, and Right in the middle of it all was Italy...Ghostly white, covered in cuts and surrounded by a pool of his own blood.

...***...***...***end of chapter...***...***...

soooooo any good? sorry that it's abit short...


	11. Chapter 11

Hey guys. I plan on having one more chapter after this and that's it. I can't beleave so many people actually like my writing! and I love you all for that.

***...***...***..Gemany's pov..***...***...***...

I rush to his side and cradle his cold body to my chest, checking for a pulse. Thank Gott there was one, even if just hardly.

I run out of the bathroom with him in my arms and back to the front door. Prussia was just getting into the house "Gilbert! we need to get to a hospital fast!"

I bearly see the look of shock on his face as I rush past."What the fuck happened to him?! Never mind. I'll drive!" With that he jumps back into the car and restarts it.

By this time I was already in the back with Italy still in my grasp. Prussia starts to speed down the road the moment the car would allow it.

With him in charge of driving I decide to look over his body. He's covered in deep gashes. Some where the shape of hearts, some broken or crossed out. Others were words and sentences. One that ran all the way across his chest said "never forget him". It looked new and by far the deepest of them all. My name's carved into his skin in a few places as well , Human name and country name, but those looked like he just recut them into his skin. Every scar on his body looked to have been reopened for that matter...except one right over his heart. That one scar was left unopened.

Slowly I realize that he is still completely naked. In any other situation I would be a deep red with embarrassment but as it was I just took off my coat and wrapped his thin frame in it. After all I didn't want others to see him like this, let alone naked above all.

I brush my hand over his bloody hair and pull his body closer to mine. Normally I wouldn't worry about him dying because as a Country we will always come back unless killed at war and our country destroyed...but there were two representations of Italy and I didn't know if that ment he could die or not.

I can feel tears in my eyes as I look down at the man I love. I never did tell him that...

Finally we make it to the hospital. I jump out as fast as possible and burst into the building with my love in my grasp.

What happened next was a blur of voices, hands and tubes. Next thing I knew I was sitting outside the operating room and waiting until someone came out to tell me if he had lived or not.

Finally someone came out and gave me a small smile. "Mr. Beilschmidt correct?"

"Ja that's me. Is Feliciano okay?"

"He'll be fine. We're not completely sure how though. He was so low on blood that no human should have survived, but things like this happen I guess."

I sigh out of pure relief and smile.

***...***...***..Italy's Pov..***...***...***...

Darkness is all I can see...My body feels like it's been beaten to a pulp, and there's this insistent beeping next to me...where am I?

I try to move but realize I can't, my limbs feel like lead. What's going on...the last thing I remember is...Oh fuck!

The beeping next to me starts to speed up as realization hits me. I passed out of blood loss...fuck fuck fuck fuck! Germany's gonna kill me for that mess!

GERMANY! Oh god! Did he find me on the floor like that?! Shit! I grown in annoyance and hatred for myself

Suddenly I feel strong hands on my shoulders start to shake me slightly and a voice calling me softly.

"Italy? Italy... Come on Italy..." That's Germany...so he was the one to find me.

Using all my strength I pry my eyes open only to snap them close again do to the blinding light that seared my corneas. I take a deep breath and open them again. As my eyes start to adjust I see Germany's worried face looking down at me.

His eyes are red and puffy...was he crying? why would he cry? I lift my arm up to his face slowly and wipe away a tear.

"Germany. what's wrong...?" I wince from the raw feeling in my throat...Wow my voice is weak and holy fuck does it hurt to speak.

A smile breaks out on his face and he looks at me " Thank Gott you're okay... I was starting to think you would never wake up!"

He helped me sit up and handed me a glass of water, which I quickly drink.

"Italy, why did you do that to yourself? you almost died, and I mean for ever too."

I laugh weakly and decide to look anywhere but him " I can't die. I've tried before..."

He just looks at me for a long time. Sorrow showing in his eyes " That's not completely true...You and Romano are special cases...It's almost impossible, but you proved that it's not completely."

"Why do you care though...I'm just an annoying pain to you right?" I felt tears prick my eyes slightly but would not let them fall...not now at least.

I felt him move closer to me and lean over to whisper something into my ear

"Italy...I have loved you since the 900's"

My whole body tenses up as he leans back slightly and looks me in the eyes. He was smiling the same smile that Holy Rome had on his face when he said that all those years ago.

I feel tears of joy spill down my face. My Holy Rome...He really is my Holy Rome!

Slowly he leans in closer again and presses his lips to mine. It was just a short sweet kiss but it was enough.

I feel his hand on my cheek as he softly makes me lay back down.

"Sleep. You need it"

I close my eyes and let the darkness slowly take over my mind again, but just before I do I feel him place a kiss to my forehead and hear him say a quite "I love you"

***...***...***...end chapter***...***...***...***

sooooooo fluffy enough for you? I hope so...this is basically the ending...I was also thinking of adding a sad ending as well as an epilog...what do you think?


	12. Chapter 12

Last chapter everyone~ will TRY to make it fluffy...but i suck at fluff...sorry...also...this will be very very corny and all.

***...***...***...***Italy's POV...***...***...***...***...

It has been about two weeks. Two week from the time that I almost died, and two weeks since I have felt alive for over 200 years.

The day my Holy Rome finally kept his promise and came back to me, even though he was truly with me from WW I...my Germany.

Now we are back home. I'm still considered on suicide watch but that doesn't matter. I'm not going anywhere. At least...not without him I'm not.

I slowly walk down the stairs, no fake excitement in my step or over happy smile on my face. there's no need for that now after all. Germany and Prussia both know what happened and how I really feel now. They, along with my brother, are the only once that do though, so I keep up the act at would meetings. Only at would meetings. After all Germany made me promise to tell him , as well as show him, how I'm truly feeling. That and that alone was the one condition he had when we started dating.

I don't hear a noise anywhere in the house, that probably means that Germany's in his study working again.

I head over to the door and see that it's slightly ajar. After a quick peek inside I rap lightly on the wall.

He turns in his chair and sees me in the doorway. "Hello Italy. Is something wrong?"

I offer him a small smile and shake my head "No, nothing's wrong...I hope I didn't disturb you or anything..."

He stands up, walks over to me, and wraps his arms around my waist "Nien mein liebe. I can always find time for you." His voice is sweet and full of love as he leans down and softly kisses me.

I smile against his lips and kiss back, closing my eyes. His lips are soft and his hand gentle.

The kiss doesn't go any farther than that. Nor do I really want it to, because to be honest I'm not sure I'm really ready for anything more that a quick kiss yet. He doesn't mind though.

I lean my head on his chest and listen to his heart beat steadily.

He chuckles slightly and starts to slowly pet my hair as I listen to his heart. "It beats only for you, you know."

I can't help but laugh lightly at how cheesy that sounded and can't help but reply with something even more cheesy but true. " And mine only beats for you as well."

"Ja, I know." he kisses the top of my head. " how about we go out to eat tonight? A new Italian restraint opened up a not to far from here."

I look up at him and smile softly "Si, that sounds nice. Just as long as I can get Pasta." I chuckle a bit at how much it sounds like something I use to say all the time.

Germany laughs along and leads me out of the office. " Good to see you're starting to feel better. " I nod a bit in return.

As I fallow him out to the car I can't help but think that life can only get better now. Now that I have a reason to live again.

***...***...***...***End Story...***...***...***...***...

so that's the end. Hope you liked it...and no sadness at all...I kinda suck at endings...sorry.

edit. um...yea I hate being dyslexic...fixed the big typo. if there are any more please do tell me...okay?


End file.
